


Likes: Coffee, Irony

by mysk



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst, Drama, Fire Emblem: Three Houses Black Eagles Route Spoilers, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Post-Canon, Post-Time Skip
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-20
Updated: 2019-08-20
Packaged: 2020-09-19 05:51:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20326159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mysk/pseuds/mysk
Summary: What use are true feelings if your own problems make you unable to express them?





	Likes: Coffee, Irony

**Author's Note:**

> First fanfiction in a long time, under a completely new account and pseud. Really happy that Three Houses has reignited my creative spark.

For as long as he could remember, Hubert had what most would consider an odd sense of humor. He couldn't remember most of his early childhood spent playing with Edelgard before her kidnapping and disgusting abuse, but he knows it was one of the only periods of life in which he was able to feel true joy. Afterwards, all he knew how to do was to attempt to replicate such feelings by trying to find something amusing about any aspect of his then miserable life that he could. Laughter in response to tears. Smiles in response to pain. Anything to try to feel the way he did before his world was taken from him.

He'll never forget the moment his father noticed it. He can't even remember what it was he had done, but Marquess Vesta had looked down at his son with a cocked eyebrow before grumbling, "Quite an ironic sense of humor for a ten year old, eh?"

Ironic. That was the word for the only thing that brought him merriment in his times without Edelgard. Irony. And so as time continued on, it became hard for the child to know what happiness truly was, because the only person able to make him feel that way had been ripped away from him.

\----

Hubert was what his Emperor described as a 'caffeine addicted workaholic'. Diligent to a fault, he still hadn't learned what it meant to practice 'self-care' even after the unification of Fodlan and the elimination of Those Who Slither in the Dark well underway. It had gotten to a point where Edelgard had to force her vassal to take breaks in his work as the imperial minister. "I'm asking you to take care of yourself as your friend," she had finally asserted one day, "and demanding you make it a required part of your schedule as your Emperor."

And while at first Hubert found himself almost looking forward to a quiet hour on his own in between the workday of his more 'public' job responsibilities, he quickly learned that he was not the only one that Edelgard was encouraging to take more time to relax.

"Hubert!" came the booming voice from the doorway. Not one to be startled, Hubert simply sighed as the other man cheerily entered his workspace holding a tray of tea like some sort of maid.

"And what brings you here, Ferdinand?" he replied coolly, feigning ignorance if nothing else as an attempt to get under the other's skin.

As expected, it didn't. The prime minister simply smiled down at his friend before finding a space on a nearby table to arrange his porcelain tea set on. "Well, Edelgard told me I needed to take work a bit slower. Imagine that - Her Highness having to request me to hold back! And so she told me I should perhaps take extra time for tea during the workday. And then she mentioned to me that you were to do the same - and, well, I just found myself missing the times we spent together during afternoons at the monastery last year... And I believe that now is the perfect chance to relive those moments together!"

Hubert smirked. "I suppose Her Highness put you up to this as punishment for my stubbornness?"

"Punishment?"

Hubert was surprised to hear what sounded almost like disappointment in Ferdinand's quiet response. It made him feel awkward, and he found himself just staring at the man in front of him looking almost like some sort of kicked puppy dog instead of knowing what to actually say.

"No, Hubert, I... Had the idea to spend time with you," he continued, starting to smile again. As Ferdinand's default expression seemed to be a naturally happy grin, was easy to tell it was somewhat forced and unnatural. His conversational partner still silent, he began to ramble, "You know, I really did quite enjoy those times together. It was always so satisfying when I got you to admit you did in fact enjoy one of my suggested teas, and I was able to further refine my own palette as you exposed me to the various blends of coffee. And, if I'm being honest, the time we spent together on its own-"

"Yes, yes, I understand, Ferdinand." The conversation was just making him more and more uncomfortable as it went on, and he just wanted it quick and done. Purposefully busying himself to avoid eye contact, Hubert began to tidy his workspace before walking over to the nicely set table. "I'll indulge you today. After all, you're always, if nothing else, entertaining to listen to."

"...Entertaining. Right," Ferdinand muttered, sitting down and focusing on pouring his tea. Hubert took one glance to notice him pursuing his lips and furrowing his brow, but it was gone in what seemed like an instant as he went back to forcing that weird looking smile of his and continuing on as if the air around them wasn't so uncomfortably charged. "Well, my friend, then a good time we shall have! I even picked one of the teas you mentioned you fancied, and I'm happy to prepare coffee next time, instead."

Not wanting to inquire when that 'next time' would be (as he already knew the answer was 'tomorrow'), Hubert instead focused on what was actually the most intriguing part of that statement to him. "You memorized the teas I like, hm?" he said while beginning to make himself comfortable at their table. "How odd. Why would you bother doing that, if we haven't engaged in this in over a year?"

Ferdinand's genuine smile returned. Hubert had to convince himself that it was the pleasant smell of the tea that made him feel more relaxed in that moment, and not the bright eyes of his ally. "Of course I'd remember that, Hubert!" he exclaimed cheerily, beginning to pour his companions cup. "I always remember my friends' favorite things."

All Hubert could manage to mumble out was a quiet "I see" before focusing on his drink. It was warm, nostalgic, and comforting, just like the rest of the following hour they spent together.

\----

From that day on, the two spent their afternoons together in as natural a routine as the rest of their workday. Every day, Ferdinand would walk in with his spread of the day. While usually just tea, he'd sometimes attempt to surprise his companion with coffee and a variety of snacks to sample. Hubert would watch as he perfectly arranged everything into a display fitting for some sort of royal banquet, and listen as he began to ramble on about whatever it was he was fixated on that day. The forced breaks were admittedly working as Edelgard had planned at taking some stress off of his shoulders. He couldn't pinpoint why, but he felt... Different than usual during these little tea parties. It was a somewhat similar feeling that he had when chatting idly with his Emperor, but nothing could truly compare to the feelings that Edelgard invoked in him. But for Ferdinand to be evoking any sort of feelings besides irritation at all from him was, in all honesty, impressive in its own right.

The days would usually go as normal - Ferdinand talked, and Hubert would occasionally chime in to give input or to chastise him. He noticed that this is when Ferdinand's expressions were most volatile. He noticed his posture excitedly perk up every time Hubert opened his mouth to speak, and saw patterns in the usual reactions depending on whatever comment followed. A casual reply or even the rare compliment had Ferdinand light up like a young child given a toy, and doubled his already limitless enthusiasm. Anything even close to sarcasm or a quip, however, and the spark in his excitement would fizzle out, and the room would grow quiet until he gave that forced smile again and changed the subject.

Hubert found Ferdinand's sensitivity so... Interesting. A personality like that had such a high risk, and yet high reward. The slightest positive interaction could send him over the moon, and any negativity could send him crashing. This exact reason was why Hubert had spent years training himself to repress most emotions - the more volatile one was, the more likely they were to be rendered as useless in high stress situations.

Ferdinand didn't used to be like that, though, Hubert recalled. Yes, he had always been dramatic and emotional, but it never seemed to be in a negative way. In the past, he would be able to obliviously grin and laugh through anyone putting him down with the confidence of a lion. He'd even be able to take direct insults as a challenge to simply become a better person. Hubert wondered what had changed, and even more was curious if anyone else besides him had seen this more vulnerable side of him.

That day's conversation had started off by taking one of the dips. Ferdinand had come in even cheerier than usual with a high quality kettle of coffee specifically brewed for the tastes of his companion. Not only that, but the conversation didn't start with him beginning to ramble aimlessly about politics or trade deals as it usually did - instead, the topic at hand was Hubert himself.

"So, Hubert, have you heard the new title that you've been given?"

He cocked his eyebrow. "Has Her Highness sent you to give me some sort of promotion?"

Ferdinand laughed. "No, friend, I don't mean anything official like that. I mean the nickname that the citizens have given you - and me, as well. They call us the nation's Two Jewels!"

"Why in the world would they do that?"

Ferdinand blinked for a second, unimpressed by his colleague's apathetic response. "Do you not know how the general public views you, Hubert? I know you don't care much for appearances, but I think even you'd be happy to know that the people find you enticing. I even recently saw an article written about the mysterious imperial household minister, speculating about the secrets you hide, the life you live... Your stoic self is so intriguing to the curious, and it acts as your charm point!"

"How odd," he replied with a smirk, lazily beginning to stir his drink. "Ironic that the people want to know so much about a man like me who cares for so little."

"Wow, Hubert," Ferdinand chuckled, shaking his head slightly. "Here I was, so excited to share this with you, and that's all you have to say. Not everything is about irony, friend - you should just take this moment to be happy about the fact that you get to share a title with the great Ferdinand von Aegir!"

"Ah, but that's the thing, you see. The most ironic part of it all is that the two of us would be seen as any sort of duo in the public's eye."

"...Why do you say that?"

Hubert looked up to see Ferdinand's face suddenly harden. He expected the prime minister to continue to speak, as his sentences never tended to be that... Short, but after a few moments of silence had passed, Hubert awkwardly cleared his throat to answer.

"It's just amusing to me that the people associate the two of us as some sort of pair, despite how different we are. I don't know who you've heard such gossip from, but I can't help but feel like most people would give us such a title sarcastically." He chuckled, and for some reason, words he wasn't sure if he even meant began to spill out. "Me, frightening and distant. You, almost obnoxiously optimistic and chivalrous. If I were to view the two of us as an outsider, I sure would find it laughable."

"You find the idea of us as a pair as some sort of... Joke?"

Hubert's brow furrowed as he tried to read Ferdinand's facial expression. It almost looked pained, but he couldn't imagine why the conversation had taken such a turn. This was the type of banter they had exchanged for years, but only now did it feel like the words were actually cutting deep into him. Hubert always loved the feeling of seeing his comrades squirm under his teasing, but this was... Different. Ferdinand looked like one of his taunted victims moments before death.

"Hubert, please be honest with me. What do you see us as?"

"I don't think I understand exactly what you're asking that isn't already obvious. We're both public servants under Her Highness, and I'd say the similarities stop there."

"That's not what I-" Ferdinand took a deep breath and closed his eyes before continuing.

"Why is it that you don't see me and you as some sort of pair, despite the time we spend together?" he continued, speaking slower than usual. He stared directly into Hubert's eyes, his face solemn. "I came to you today truly intending for this news to make you happy. I was excited to share it with you, and yet..." He sighed, and paused.

"Hubert, I can't figure you out, because I can't figure out what I am to you. Even the first time you showed me kindness while we are at Garreg Mach, you had to taunt me with your gift before admitting it was even mine. I am always the one to set up tea in your office, and you've never once offered to do so in mine. And yet you never turn me away, and so that must mean you don't still hate me as I know you used to when I was young and foolish. But that one word you used to describe me those months ago - entertaining. It's always stuck with me. Am I just a way for you to pass the time? Or do you value me, Hubert?"

Hubert sipped on his coffee as an excuse to take a moment to think. He avoided Ferdinand's direct stare, and he couldn't describe the kind of pressure he was feeling right now. It was, truthfully, the most intimidated he had ever felt by the man he spent so much of his life looking down on.

"... I'm not good at talking about matters such as these, Ferdinand."

"I would like it if you would at least try."

Hubert narrowed his eyes at the forward response. How bold of Ferdinand to act so insistently. What did he even want to hear? Their calming tea time was quickly becoming the most stressful moment of his already incredibly busy day. This wasn't how these moments were supposed to go.

"I enjoy the time we spend together, if that's what you're asking."

"Why?"

The questions were getting irritating. "I don't know, Ferdinand. Stop worrying about it. Not everything needs a why."

Ferdinand inhaled sharply. "Please, Hubert. I just want to know. I need to know. Why do we do this every day? If you really think we make such a bad pair that the only word you can use to describe it is 'ironic', then why are we wasting our time with each other instead of something or someone else?"

Hubert really was at a loss for words. He resented Ferdinand for demanding something so unreasonable out of him. He didn't want to admit it, but this was... Hard for him. He truly didn't know how to describe any of the feelings he felt, because he spent so much of his life struggling to feel in the first place. He knew not of what joy besides Edelgard was supposed to feel like. He knew not of what true satisfaction besides a job completed felt like. He had not felt true sadness for years, having replaced it all with bitter anger. If he had to choose anything, he supposed his most consistent emotion was... Amusement. Amusement at the reactions of those he tormented, at those beneath him, at the cruel irony of the world around him. It was the only way to stop a man like him from breaking.

He knew he didn't feel the exact same way he usually did when he was with Ferdinand, but it wasn't how he felt with Edelgard, either. He shared Edelgard's exact feelings when in her presence. Her triumph was his pride, her suffering was fuel for his anger. Ferdinand, on the other hand, gave him more... Abstract feelings. His smile, for example, made Hubert feel 'warm'. The way he played with his long hair when pondering questions out loud made him feel 'enticed'. He observed Ferdinand more physically than he did Edelgard, had memorized his habits not because it would be useful for him to do so but just because he found himself wanting to think about what made Ferdinand the way he was.

"You're interesting, and different. You're not like Edelgard, and you're not like me, and it's odd. There is no one like you, Ferdinand. And so I don't think I could get the same experience I do watching you that I would if I spent my free time with anyone else. The way you dramatically tell every story, the way you can complain about the most shallow things. And I find it ironic for two people like us to be seen together, and that's amusing to me in its own right. So, yes. You do... Entertain me. Now, is that what you wanted to hear?"

Everything he had said was, technically, true. He figured that stating as objective truths as possible would be the easiest way to end this unpleasant conversation.

Apparently, that was not the right answer, because it was met with the sound of a cup being angrily slammed down onto a plate.

It took a lot to startle Hubert, and somehow Ferdinand had managed it.

"What in the world is wrong with you, Hubert?" Ferdinand began firmly. As Hubert opened his mouth to reply, he was swiftly cut off. "No, you're going to let me finish. Let me speak without one of your callous interjections for the first time in your life.

"How dare you use me as nothing more than entertainment for your twisted sense of humor all of this time. After years of enduring your hatred of me, your neverending slinging of insults, I was beginning to believe that the war had perhaps softened you, opened your heart. If nothing else, I thought that seeing Edelgard begin to learn how to love the world around her would rub off on you, since she seems to be the only person - the only thing at all - that can impact you.

"But then, for me to find out that you just treat our weekly tea times together as a form of entertaining 'irony' that you get off to, just another way to look down on me - well, I shouldn't have been surprised, considering what type of man you always have been, and yet I must truly be the fool you've seen me as your entire life because I somehow managed to get hurt anyway."

During this pause, their eyes met. Ferdinand's were now wet with tears, narrowed in frustration. Hubert's remained unreadable, his face still hardened as stone.

"Hubert," he continued after taking a deep breath to steady himself. "Is your lifestyle not yet twisted enough that you have to force everyone around you to deal with your sick habits as well? Are we your punching bags for you to let off steam onto in order to cope with the responsibilities that your title entails? Or, perhaps you view your victims the same as you do all of us, and that's why it's so easy for you to effortlessly hurt people. Tell me, Hubert, is that why you kill? Do you enjoy it, is it in some way, 'ironic' to you, the juxtaposition between their suffering and your joy? It would make no sense at all, and yet with a poisoned soul such as yours I truly do believe you could attempt to justify your sins with such ridiculous reasoning."

Silence.

"Well, Hubert, doing things 'ironically' is still doing them. And so even if those afternoons we spent together were just a way for you to get your kicks out of it being funny to spend time with me and listen to me opening my heart up to you, it doesn't mean that they didn't happen. And now, you've broken my trust. Just like everyone else you've hurt, everyone you've killed, all of their grieving families, and the bloodstained trail you've contributed to your dear Emperor's legacy.

"But listen to me, being dramatic as always." His voice was quieter now, and the anger was beginning to somber into sorrow.

"To think, that I was able to forgive you for all of those crimes, under the hope that you had changed, and had shown me your true self in our time together. I was like some princess in a storybook, the Beauty to your Beast, pitying you as being some misunderstood victim of society who would one day show his true, kind self to me.

"What a fool I was, for now I know that there may not even be a soul of any sort within you. And how shallow and self-absorbed I must be that it took me until you broke my own heart to truly accept such a fact."

It was the most hurt that Hubert had ever seen Ferdinand, and he found himself impulsively asking a question more selfish than anything he can remember requesting before.

"....And so what is it that you think of me, then, Ferdinand, if you disagree so passionately with my worldview?"

The other shook his head and sighed. "I don't think it matters anymore."

Hubert didn't know what to say. What could he, at a time like this, when he didn't even know what it was that he felt? Was it frustration at such harsh accusations? Was it exasperation at how dramatic the prime minister still acted well into adulthood?

Was it anger at himself for making someone as kind and compassionate as Ferdinand feel like this?

Was it sorrow, because he was beginning to feel the same sort of loss he did when Edelgard had been taken from him?

Was it love?

What was a person like him supposed to say to a person like Ferdinand when they're in love?

"...I'm sorry."

He wish he knew how to tell Ferdinand everything he felt right now. He wanted him to know how much he was truly saying with those two words, and the exact reasons Ferdinand was so interesting, why he felt so much more rejuvinated every day ever since Ferdinand's daily visits, every reason why Ferdinand was making his life better and helping him have feelings again for the first time since he was young.

But he didn't know how to say it. Or maybe, he couldn't say it.

He realized that he didn't want to say it, because such a foreign concept would be too uncomfortable for him. If he began to embrace the feelings that the man in front of him had begun to evoke in his soul, then he knew that he would lose the true identity of what had shaped him into who he was today.

He could feel tears beginning to well in his eyes, and he quickly blinked to fight them back. He had not been close to crying in two decades, and the feeling was uncomfortable and foreign to him. He hated this. He hated Ferdinand for making him grovel like this - no. He hated himself for being pathetic enough to act like a victim about something that was his own fault. And he hated himself even more for not fixing it. He knew that all Ferdinand wanted was sincerity. But he just couldn't bring himself to give it.

Ferdinand began to stare at him in disbelief. Seeing a man such as Hubert show such weakness must have felt almost disturbing. He opened his mouth a few times, wanting to speak, but found himself unable to come up with the proper words.

Hubert attempted to compose himself as he listened to the sound of Ferdinand gather his belongings, what he figured would be for the last time. The room was silent except for clinking porcelain, and it was only broken when he made it to the door.

"I don't think I care that you're sorry right now, Hubert," he spoke quietly. "I don't want to be with you if this is how you'll act forever, and if you haven't changed by now after everything we've been through, I don't know if you ever will.

"Good bye. Take care. I will see you Thursday at the morning meeting. Return your cup to me then, please."

And then he was gone, and the room was empty of all but a man and the equally bitter lukewarm cup of coffee in his hands.

\----

"Your Highness, may I come in?"

"Of course, Hubert. What, do you wish you finally spend one of your breaks with me?" She smiled at him as he entered and bowed at her, but she couldn't help but notice that his composure seemed off.

"Do you mind if I ask you a question?"

"Of course I don't. You don't need to ask me permission, Hubert. You know that already."

"Right. Of course." His frown and mumbled tone was unlike him, and Edelgard was beginning to become concerned. She became conscious of the fact that he probably did not want her seeing him in such a state, so out of courtesy she walked over to her window to focus her gaze outside instead.

"My Emperor," he continued. "What do you believe is a true show of one's character? Their actions, or their true intentions?"

"Their actions, of course." Edelgard replied without a moment's hesitation. It was a question she had spent many nights since the war agonizing over herself, and so she knew exactly what to say on the subject. She just couldn't guess why someone so callous as her best friend would seem so distraught over a question that she would have assumed had such an obvious answer to him.

"The impact a person leaves on the world is only determined by what they do, not what they wish they had done, or the internal reason why they did it. Feelings are complicated and subjective, but there is undeniable proof of the actions someone takes in a situation, and so that is the only truth that can reliably go down in history. The world doesn't change when someone wants it to. The world changes when someone forces it too."

She turned around to look back at her friend, a small, sad smile on her face. "We will forever go down in history as both Fodlan's saviors and as its murderous tyrants. Both of these are true, and we can't ever escape the pain we caused millions just because of our end goal. Shouldn't we, of all people, know the true, raw impact of our own actions?"

"Yes," Hubert quietly sighed. "I suppose I always have."

**Author's Note:**

> My Twitter is @Liz_Pecan, please feel free to follow me, I love making new friends!
> 
> Thank you for reading!


End file.
